if i know, i will prepare my self to not expect too much since the very beginning. who knows, He chose me instead of anybody else. who knows, the great reason behind all this matters.. who knows, i will be in this state of "optimism is the only thing to keep me alive, normally". after long suffered from childhood depression, i thought this is the moment of my life, to feel the joy and happiness that has been long gone. guess its not.
no matter how hard life is, for me, Allah knows best and He did this for the sake of my better future in the life after dead. after all, who knows? He might wanna test my faith towards Him, towards my own iman with all this.
all the pain leads to so much uncertainty in life which cause a very bad depression in me. at least, in the beginning. i swear I've become so much better in handling any situation like this. well experience is our best teacher, right? but still, there's something that cannot be changed. no matter how strong ive become, im still the same ol' fragile me.
done with the ultimate overly depressed story of my life. this is what i done to let go all the negative emotions and absorb as much positive vibe as possible. well tho, "optimism is the only thing to keep me alive, normally" after all. hehe.
im into simple sketching right now. just to release the pain and burden inside. baking, is still my number one obsession.. i want to try everything that i ever think of trying in life. the one thing that has been on my list for a long time that i cant ever imagine is bungee jumping! ngihihi. YOLO sgt. but right now, due to budget constrain, sketching is the most thing i can do to achieve the inner peace and serenity.
below is some of my simple sketches during this past month. u can tell how much i love faces. :)
first trial ever. i sketch an eye. dont even know i can do this before
fazura which is so not like fazura
random girls at my paperwork
teman istimewa saya.
random Russian girl
my beautiful niece
white flag. ignore the hideous hand writing
oh so not me
my beautiful lecturer with her daughter. failed.
random girl in shocked.